


Is Everybody Going Crazy?

by antoinette_cumberbatch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Indie Music, Insecurity, Jealous Sirius Black, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antoinette_cumberbatch/pseuds/antoinette_cumberbatch
Summary: where The Marauders, one of the most famous wizard bands, are about to give their biggest concert right after graduation - and Remus is left in charge of writing their newest hit in less than 2 months.Things get more complicated as his (seemingly) unrequited crush is getting stronger with each passing day.oh my god, I suck at writing summariesFic inspired by "Is Everybody Going Crazy?" by Nothing But Thieves - the song sung by the Marauders in the story is  hundred percent theirs.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	Is Everybody Going Crazy?

**Author's Note:**

> Hii! So here we go - my first fanfiction ever posted.  
> IMPORTANT - I know, I know how much people hate author's notes, but that one's important:
> 
> PLEASE, listen to the song Is Everybody Going Crazy by Nothing But Thieves. Because the song The Marauders will play in this fic is actually theirs. I BEG YOU.
> 
> You don't have to listen to it now, but do it when the concert scene will take place - it will make a certain... well, atmosphere. And you'll know what's going on.

"Guys, I did it! We have a concert hall booked in the very centre of London!" Peter squeaked, running into the Marauders' dormitory.

It was almost the end of their last year at Hogwarts. The last year here, and the first year of their promising music career.

The Marauders formed their band three years ago. It was when James brought a bag of CDs to the school with him – CDs of bands like Arctic Monkeys, The Black Keys, Foals, or The Strokes.

And then one day, they found a crumpled sheet of paper with lyrics and notes on Sirius' bed.

Yeah, turns out that guy knows how to write.

So first they wrote songs just for the hell of it, singing at 3 am and receiving deathly glares the next morning from people who couldn't fall asleep because of their off-key singing. But then, at the Christmas feast in their fifth year, they gave their first school concert – and found out that their songs are actually likable. They just shouldn't be sung in the dead of night.

So during the holidays after their 5th year, they gave a real performance. Peter's dad was a music manager and found them a small hall near the school. The audience was surprisingly big - and soon The Marauders became one of the most popular wizard indie-rock boys bands.

Of course, a band with only three members wasn't easy to manage. James on the bass or guitar, Remus on the synthesizer, and Sirius – not exactly surprisingly – as the lead singer, sometimes also joining James on the guitar. Sounds easy at first, but the thing is – they didn't have anyone to play the drums.

No, Peter couldn't. This guy had literally no music nor hearing skills. So he was left with managing the concerts and tours.

The problem was solved at the end of the sixth year when James _finally_ started dating Lily Evans. Who, turns out, was a secret drums master.

Everything was going smoothly. Until it wasn't.

And honestly, Remus didn't tell anyone. He couldn't just leave the band. He couldn't sacrifice his dreams because of a stupid, _hopeless_ crush.

He couldn't focus on the stage. He couldn't come up with any lyrics. He wasn't studying anymore, doodling on the margins of his notebook. It was dumb. And stupid. And _oh my god_ , he just couldn't take it anymore.

The thing was he couldn't just tell him. Sirius wasn't gay, that's for sure. He was having flings with his fangirls every other week. And that was slowly killing Remus. Honestly, he would survive being just friends with him, but hearing about yet another girl Sirius has shagged just drove him nuts.

Of course, he could try. But he just knew Sirius is too good for him. How could such a beautiful, funny _lead singer of a boys band_ fall for a werewolf, whose only contribution to the band was sound editing and backup singing?

So, he kept it to himself. Staring mindlessly through the castle's window or at Sirius' back when they played for the masses. The full moons were leaving him in a worse state every month. He had to tell him. Or someone. Or he would just explode.

Sirius leaped to his feet. "Seriously? No way!" he started laughing excitedly. Oh, how Remus adored that laugh. _Shut up. Seriously, focus on the important stuff._ His train of thought was interrupted by Sirius pulling him into a tight embrace. Remus stiffened. And then relaxed after a mere second.

"Hey, don't wanna interrupt...whatever you two are doing," - James waved a hand in their direction. – "but there's a problem."

Sirius pulled away. Remus immediately started missing his warmth. _Oh my god, get a life_.

"We don't have any new numbers. We can't play in the capital city without showing people at least one new song."

"We have mine," Lily suggested.

"Lily, dear, you know I love you. But your song isn't what they call a _hit._ " James shook his head. "It's too slow. And romantic."

Remus frowned. He loved that song. It was relatable, at least. Lily brushed it off with a laugh. "Sure, says James, whose first song he wrote was about my 'eyes as green as a pickle'."

Sirius sighed. "How much time do we have?"

"About a month and a half," Peter replied. "We have the concert on the 7th of July and we need at least a month for editing and rehearsals."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. He was so cute when he pouted...

"I can do it." - _oh shit._ No, he didn't. But when Sirius looked at him with a huge grin and a sparkle in his grey eyes, he couldn't walk away either.

"Moony, you saved our lives! Honestly, I could kiss you right here and now!"

Remus froze. He didn't mean it, did he? Of course not. His stupid face with that signature smirk. Flirting with him all the time, since they found out that they were the main ship (or boat? whatever they called it) of The Marauders' fans. The fanfictions, the fan arts, the teenage girls commenting on their posts on Instagram – everyone wanted them to get together. Sirius thought it was funny – Remus found it extremely disturbing. And the worst part is, Sirius didn't try to prove the fans wrong. He was always hugging Remus, touching his hand, playing with his hair, doing anything just to give the fans something to gush about. Nonetheless, Remus hated it. Because he knew it was all fake.

One day it happened. He read the fanfiction. A fluffy one, nothing special. It was at night - he was staring at Sirius sleeping and just couldn't refrain.

Honestly, fanfictions were a remedy for his broken heart. If he couldn't have it, he could imagine he had. It was at least a little bit soothing.

So right now he just laughed. A little too late. Sirius noticed his terror. He had a hurt (Was it possible? There was no other explanation though.) look on his face.

They spent the rest of the evening discussing their big event – the order of the songs, the lighting, the posters.

For the next few days Sirius was sitting as far away from Remus as possible. He wasn't lying next to him or patting his shoulder. He was... distant. And seemed weirdly lost in thought. Totally unlike him.

And Remus just couldn't stand looking at him. He was sure that Sirius knew now. He tried to keep his mind occupied with thinking about the song or studying for the exams, but he couldn't get the hurt look on Sirius' face out of his mind.

One day, while he was strolling through the school grounds, someone called him.

"Hey, Remus!" – Marlene. One of the many girls who tried to make Sirius theirs. Of course, she had already realized that there's no use in trying. Remus still didn't like her, though. Maybe he just didn't like girls in general. Or this one was particularly intimidating.

"Wow, I finally caught you up," she laughed. "You walk fast."

Remus put on a forced smile.

"Come on." She suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the quidditch pitch. He followed. Honestly, it wasn't really smart to fight with Marlene, the beater of the Gryffindor team.

They finally stopped on the stands. Marlene sat down and patted the place next to her.

When they were both sat comfortably, she asked, "Will you please help me with Transfiguration?"

Remus stared at her, stunned. "And that's.... _that's_ why you dragged me here against my will? Couldn't you ask me during lunch or in the common room?"

Marlene blushed. "It's just... you rarely are in the common room these days. You walk around the castle or hide in the library. And here... this is a place I always come to when I have to think. Look at the view."

Remus had to admit the view was breathtaking. It was the beginning of May, the grass was greener than ever and from the stands – which were reasonably high – you could see the panoramic view of the whole Hogwarts grounds, the people walking together or laughing while having a picnic in the rays of sunlight.

"My best ideas were born here." She smiled. "It's a good place to have some... well, reflections. And I assumed that the reason you were disappearing was that you had to get things right. And about Transfiguration – the exams are in three weeks and I still don't get some topics. So... could you please just give me some extra tutoring?"

Remus thought. He had to write the song and it wasn't like he didn't have to study for the NEWTs as well. But it would do him no harm to help her once or twice a week... maybe he could finally stop thinking about Sirius... or even... he could make him _jealous_. Of course, he wouldn't hit on Marlene. She was a girl after all. But he could act as though they did go out together. He had a weird feeling Marlene wouldn't object.

"Sure," he agreed. Marlene beamed. "Let's meet at the library on Tuesday."

Days passed and Sirius was even more detached. Something was wrong and Remus was definitely the one who caused it. But he couldn't put his finger on it.

He didn't even realize how much he'd appreciated those little signs of affection Sirius used to show him. He used to think this fakeness was stupid, but now... he actually was starting to miss it.

He ate less. Being friends with someone you love was seemingly the worst scenario, but turns out being ignored by that person _was_ even worse.

He was desperate to figure out how to make Sirius care about him again. But to be frank, nothing was working. Sirius would practice quidditch all day and then say he's too tired to study or talk. He didn't want Remus's help. Or chocolate. Or even a hug after a long, excruciating day.

Remus dived into the world of fanfiction. He read and read and texted his own (!) fans pretending to be one of them. Sirius would find such espionage an amazing idea. But it wasn't about him anymore.

Study sessions with Marlene were the only thing that could calm his racing thoughts. It was kind of relieving to meet with someone who wasn't a part of The Marauders. And Marlene was really funny. And caring. She was smart and seemed to understand the topics pretty quickly. To be honest, the library meetings were like a breath of fresh air.

It all fell apart that evening, three days before the full moon. When they sat in the common room, by the fire, planning the show. They have all passed the exams with satisfying grades. Marlene coped with Transfiguration. When she finally learned the whole curriculum, she thanked Remus greatly – they stopped meeting to study, but the werewolf was nevertheless grateful for having a somehow objective friend he could talk to when he was getting sick of The Marauders.

"Got the song, Moony?" James asked. Song? What song? Oh shit. He was so absorbed with trying to win Sirius' attention back, he totally forgot about the song he promised to write. "No, not yet," he answered, flushing.

James grimaced. "Please, at least start working on it. We don't have much time."

Remus nodded, swallowing. He had no idea what to write about.

"I've got some interesting news," Sirius spoke up for the first time this evening. "Since Moony is his old, plain self and doesn't have anything to say."

Remus cried internally. What the hell had he done? What went wrong?

"I-" he said, dragging out the words, not breaking eye contact with Remus, "-have a girlfriend."

It felt as though someone stabbed him right into his heart. He couldn't breathe. Everything was blurry. He didn't hear what the others were saying; just felt a sting in his chest and tears springing into his eyes.

He couldn't sit there and congratulate him. He couldn't pretend it was fine. He stood up, said, "I'm off to bed, feelin' tired," in a croaky voice, and ran to his dormitory.

Sirius had never had a girlfriend. Right, he had flings. A lot of them, actually. But they were never anything more. Nothing longer than a night or two. And he said it in a different kind of tone, like he was proud, like he was really in love and wanted to rub it in Remus's face.

He fell on the bed. He didn't know when the tears started falling. He didn't know how much time had passed when someone finally knocked on the door. He quickly sat up, wiping his tear-stained face with the sleeve of his robe.

Was it... No, it was Lily. He had no idea what he had been hoping for.

"I guess it's stupid to ask if everything's alright..." She smiled sadly. Remus chuckled darkly.

"You're in love with him, aren't you." It was more of a statement than a question. Remus didn't even try to deny it. He nodded.

"Is it that obvious?"

"No, don't worry." She smiled assuringly. "If I wasn't sure, then it's safe to assume those gits don't have a clue."

A silence followed.

"Why don't you just tell him?"

"Because he doesn't feel the same way. Because I'm a fucking werewolf and don't deserve him in any way. Because I'm an anxious mess. Because he has a girlfriend. Because... I don't even know if he fancies blokes. I could name reasons till morning." He was too tired. Too tired to think, breathe, or eat. He had a feeling this moon would be worse than the ones until now. Lily sighed.

"Well, I'm not good at comforting, so I won't try to do that. I don't want to make things worse, but... why don't you write him a song? The one you have to write all the same?"

Remus blinked. "Isn't that the same as telling him?"

"Metaphors, Remus. Isn't that exactly what they are for?" Lily asked and not waiting for an answer, continued, "And don't worry about the girl. It's nothing serious. No pun intended."

"How can you know?"

"I've been listening to him brag about it for the past two hours. It's nothing different than usual. I guess... maybe she was the one who called him a boyfriend first. Or maybe... maybe he wanted to make someone jealous." She smiled mischievously and left.

* * *

  
Sirius didn't know what got into him. Maybe it was the fact that Remus stopped reacting to his obvious declarations of undying affection. Maybe it was Marlene and her weekly meetings with _his_ Moony under the pretext of studying for the NEWTs. Maybe it was Remus who would sit on the quidditch stands almost every day because it was the place Marlene took him to the first time.

He couldn't take it anymore. He was sure now that Remus didn't like him back. When he told him he could kiss him and Remus just froze? What had he thought exactly? That Remus would say: 'Oh, I wanna kiss you too'? He was stupid, dumb, and _oh god, so deeply in love._

He was so grateful for his fans who shipped him with the taller boy. It was a wonderful excuse to touch Remus, to hug him, to hold his hand without him suspecting anything. But now he knew he had fucked up. Because how could have he ever even thought that this adorable, nerdy boy who loved books and chocolate, who fiddled with the sleeves of his jumpers whenever he was nervous, whose caramel eyes were sparkling when he came up with a melody for their new song, could possibly like him, _Sirius Black,_ back? Sirius Black, the notorious player, extremely irresponsible, with dark family background. He had literally no chance.

He knew he probably should go to Remus and explain the whole situation. But he couldn't. You know the feeling when you leave a thing for later and day by day it's getting even harder to do it? That was exactly how Sirius felt.

He didn't know why he had said _that_ though. His relationship with Kelly was even less serious than with his usual flings. Maybe he had thought that Remus would get jealous. Or that he would say: 'No, Sirius, _I_ love you'. But he hadn't reacted. Right, he hadn't cheered him like James and Peter had, but he hadn't been sad either. He had just yawned, said he's tired, and gone to sleep.

The full moon was two days later. During these two days, Sirius didn't see Remus at all. Moony would wake up at ungodly hours and go to the library ("Why?! We've already passed the exams, dude?!" shouted James), and then when Sirius would come back after the quidditch practice, he would already be asleep.

On the day of the full moon, Sirius couldn't force himself to go to the Shrieking Shack. For the first time ever he wasn't there for his friend. He felt awful and knew that Remus would never forgive him, but... he just couldn't. He regretted this decision, but when it came to Sirius, there was a lot of things he wished he hadn't done in general. Like thinking Remus could like him. Telling him he wanted to kiss him. Not trying to work things out between them. Pretending that he met Kelly more than once.

Laying in bed at 5 am, he heard someone rushing upstairs. James barged into the room with a mixture of fear and fury on his face. "Are you _fucking_ mad?" he asked, panting.

Sirius leaped to his feet. _Moony_. Something was wrong.

"Why weren't you there? Do you know how important it is for him to _know_ that we're all there for him? It was his worst transformation _ever_. Please, just go there. I know that you don't want to and well, he's sleeping now, so he probably won't even notice, but trust me, you'll both feel better."

Sirius didn't say anything. To be honest, he didn't even listen. Moony was hurt and he hadn't been there. Another thing to add to his list of regrets.

He ran down the stairs and towards the Whomping Willow. The sun was just rising. He stormed into the Shrieking Shack. Remus was there, on the bed. Asleep. Sirius walked quietly to the bed's side and kneeled, careful not to wake Moony up. He looked terrible. The floor and the sheets were stained with blood and his face was tear-streaked. Sirius couldn't help it. _His_ tears started falling.

"Moony, I'm so, _so_ sorry. I don't understand why, I don't know what got into me lately. I just... I couldn't get through to you and I felt so... _hopeless_. The loneliness I felt, all my feelings, I was going crazy. And I know that I wasn't myself and that I sort of... lost my cool," he chuckled. "It would just feel so good to have some more time, you know? To just... sort this out. It had all happened so fast, a few weeks and we'll be graduating. And I know it can't be only me who feels that way. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I know that makes me an awful friend." A short silence followed. "This place is so... sinister. It brings back so many horrible memories. And if I feel that way, it must be even worse for you. And, well, I wish I could make up this last few weeks to you in some way. Because Lily and James are together, Peter is... well, Peter is Peter," he laughed. "But we... we've only got each other."

He stood up. He noticed that Remus's breath was a bit calmer than when he had come in. He suddenly felt the urge to just lie down next to him, to hug him and never let go... but he knew he couldn't. So he just left.

* * *

Remus woke up at about 10 am. His every muscle hurt. He couldn't move - not that he wanted to. Last night had honestly been a nightmare. He didn't remember much, only the fact that Sirius had come when everything had been over. He didn't really remember his words – he just got the general message. Sirius was... sorry. He wasn't mad or angry. He just seemed kind of lost. And what had he said? That they've only got each other? Remus sighed. He didn't want to get his hopes up too high, but it did lighten his mood slightly.

And then it struck him. He knew. He knew what to write about. He jumped to his feet and immediately regretted that move. With all his might, he walked to the desk in the corner of the dusty room. He took out the journal, he kept hidden in one of its drawers, and a pen. He ripped out a blank sheet of paper and started writing.

He lost the track of time. He didn't even register what he was writing. He hummed and tapped the rhythm with the pen and walked around the room trying to find the right word. He worked the whole day and when the clock struck midnight, he finished.

He stared at his work. There were crumpled papers lying everywhere around the room. The lyrics were full of crossed out words and annotations on the margins. But he had never been more proud of a song he had written.

The next day he showed it to the rest of the band. He tried to be calm and collected, but his heartbeat was so fast, he wondered why his heart didn't jump out of his chest by now. James was hugely impressed. When Remus explained the beat and melody to him, he hugged him, screaming, "That will be our best hit!"

But that wasn't what concerned Remus the most. He wondered (or maybe hoped? that was probably the more suiting word) if Sirius would understand it. If he would know that the majority of the song were his own words from the night before. Because after all, it was about him now. And Remus didn't care if he had just confessed his love. He just had to let out his feelings.

Sirius read the lyrics. He didn't say anything. But Remus saw a frightened look in his eyes – he knew. But not necessarily the thing Remus wanted to convey.

"Uhm, well," he cleared his throat. "It's good- I mean, really impressive."

"But this song- it's a love song, innit, Remus?" James asked.

Remus took a calming breath. No need to be nervous. "Yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious."

"Right." James read the lyrics again. "Well, Sirius has a girlfriend, so he can't sing about wanting to make someone his-"

"No, we broke up," Sirius interrupted. "There's no problem, honestly."

Remus couldn't help a smile. The evening just got much better.

"And what about your song, then?" James asked Sirius, quirking an eyebrow.

"What song?" Remus was honestly surprised. Lyrics were his job after all.

"Well, I thought that maybe... maybe you were just too exhausted to write"-Sirius rubbed the back of his neck-"and I've written a verse or two."

Wow. That was... unexpected. And comforting, in some way. That meant Sirius really wasn't mad or anything.

"But that's not important, Remus's song is perf-"

"No!" Remus didn't know where _that_ came from. "I- I mean, if you have put effort into it, we have to play it as well."

James looked between the two of them. "Guys, we don't have enough time. The show is already planned and it's honestly chock-full... you can figure out something on your own – I don't know, do a mashup or something – but I have a lot on my mind already. I'm off to bed." He left, rubbing his forehead.

"Right, so"-Sirius cleared his throat again. Was he sick?– "what are we gonna do?"

"Mashup sounds fun." Remus shrugged.

"'lright. Let's meet tomorrow evening at _the library_ , shall we?" Sirius grinned and left.

He _grinned_. Remus had no idea what was the hidden meaning behind 'the library' that made Sirius stress it so much, but he grinned. Everything was back to normal.

* * *

He understood the meaning of the song after reading the first verse. Moony had heard. He had heard everything. Sirius didn't know what to do.

Of course, he hadn't confessed his love then (thank God he hadn't kissed him at the end of his speech as he had wanted to), but still... Remus wasn't stupid. He had definitely understood.

And that's why Sirius felt, for the first time ever, that he actually might have a chance.

The meeting at _the library_ was, of course, a reference to Remus's meetings with Marlene. But the taller boy clearly hadn't taken a hint. And that only raised Sirius's hopes even more.

When they met at the library, it was like a dream coming true. Rays of sunlight shining on Remus's blonde locks, his laugh when Sirius came up with a funny line to end the chorus with, his smile and an adorable head tilt when Sirius asked if they could meet the next day again. "Sure, I'd be delighted," Remus smirked, a sparkle in his eyes.

So they did meet the next day. And the next. And finally, after four exhausting evenings, the song was almost finished. They both did a small victory dance, finishing quickly when they spotted Miss Pince glancing in their direction. They both tried really hard not to laugh.

The last evening, they decided to stay in the common room. They just had to polish some details. Remus fell asleep on the sofa during the process, but Sirius didn't mind at all. He finished at about 1 am. He turned off the lamp and stared at Remus, who was illuminated by the light coming from the fireplace.

He was so goddamn beautiful... Sirius just couldn't help it. He leaned in and kissed the very top of Remus's head. Just a light brush of lips on his golden curls. "Goodnight, Moony," he whispered. He could swear Remus smiled.

He tidied up the table, covered Remus with a warm blanket, turned around, and started off towards the stairwell leading to the dormitories.

"Goodnight, Pads," he heard suddenly. Trying really hard not to melt into the ground from embarrassment, he smiled and went upstairs. Everything was back to normal.

* * *

A week later, the school was finished. It was a really weird feeling, going home by the Hogwarts Express, knowing that they would never see the school again.

They were all sitting together in one compartment. James and Lily cuddled together, Sirius with his head on Remus's lap (Remus really had to watch himself the whole time; he didn't want anything- well, anything awkward to happen) and Peter on the floor, leaning against the wall.

James found an apartment for rental in London, with two two-person bedrooms, a bathroom, and a huge living-room. Peter wouldn't be living with them – he had a small flat in the very centre of London and honestly didn't want to give it up.

After some time (add an hour for when James lost the way and they ended up changing the metro line 5 times) they finally reached the flat. James found the keys in his trunk and opened the door ceremonially.

"Marauders... Welcome home!"

Remus was over the moon (no pun intended). Living with his best friends was honestly a dream coming true. He could never afford his own apartment and he couldn't risk living with someone he didn't know – where would he go every full moon? And who would watch over him and make sure he doesn't harm anyone?

He was sure Sirius was delighted too. Being free from his abusing family must have been a relief, no doubt.

"Lily, we've got a queen bed!" James exclaimed from one of the bedrooms. "You won't escape my heavenly spooning!"

Remus shook his head with a smile. He seriously wondered how Lily put up with this git.

"Oh," James's tone changed to a slightly shaky one. "You guys got a queen bed too. Why on earth haven't I checked it? I-"

Remus's heart lurched. _There's no way Sirius would like to sleep with-_

"No problem, I'll take the sofa, then," Sirius offered. "Until we manage to sell the bed and buy twin ones."

Right, thought Remus. He didn't know what he had honestly expected.

"No, take the bed. I will sleep on the sofa," he said simply.

"No way. I've had a king bed at my family home, and you will need a comfortable bed during the full moon."

At least he cared about him. That was more than fine.

They were rehearsing every day from 10 am to 10 pm. They would wake up at 8 and eat a breakfast made by Lily – she was the best cook of them all. One day, it turned out Sirius was a master of French pancakes, so they would eat them almost every day after dinner. He would always pour extra chocolate syrup over Remus's portion. Affection? No, rather checking if he was eating enough.

They would watch movies together at night, all four of them cuddled together on the sofa under a blanket. It would usually end in a huge popcorn fight or Sirius falling asleep in the middle of the movie.

One day, when Remus was lying awake at night (ah yes, the old insomniac), he saw a silhouette in his room's door frame. He immediately sat up.

Into the room went Sirius.

"Uhm," he cleared his throat. "Could I... could I maybe sleep with you tonight?"

Remus widened his eyes. Then he patted the bed. "S-sure," he stammered.

Sirius walked up and slid under the duvet. They both lied on their backs, staring at the ceiling, not daring to touch. Remus knew better than to ask why Sirius had come. He was sure that if the black-haired boy wanted to explain himself, he would. He didn't have to wait long.

"I had a nightmare," said Sirius, not making eye contact. "About my family, about... becoming evil."

Remus turned around to face his friend. He didn't care what the other would think, really.

"Sirius... we're here for you, right? You're too good for your family. They don't deserve you."

"Why... why do you guys trust me?" His voice trembled.

Remus laughed internally. Was Sirius really the one to ask that question? He shook the thought off quickly. This wasn't about him. He brushed a strand of hair away from Sirius's face.

"Because you're m- our Padfoot. You're funny and loyal and you have all the best features- traits of a good friend. You and your family... it's just genes, right? The only thing you took after your parents is handsomeness and that much I am grateful for."

Sirius laughed. So he was on the right track.

"Thank you, Moony. You're not so bad yourself."

A short silence followed.

"Remus, I... You're my best friend, you know? Of course, there's James, but he's more like a brother. But you... you were always there for me. And I could never dream myself a better companion."

Remus smiled. "That surely means a lot. Now, go to sleep. The show is the day after tomorrow, you've got to take some rest."

Remus woke up to Sirius spooning him. He immediately flushed, hoping that the redness on his face is the only sign of... well, you know. He carefully grabbed Sirius's hand and put it away from his belly. The black-haired boy groaned audibly. "Moooony... stay here."

But Remus couldn't. He couldn't risk it. He didn't want to hear James's snarky remarks. He slipped out of Sirius's embrace and went to the bathroom. After brushing his teeth and hair, so that it would look at least decently, he headed to the kitchen. He started cooking scrambled eggs – he knew how much Sirius loved them.

James emerged from his and Lily's bedroom. _Oh shit._ He woke up first, which means he'll see Sirius coming out (what an irony) from Remus's room. Remus sighed. There was no going back now. And, well, that night hadn't been about _him_ and _his_ stupid feelings.

Sirius finally walked out of the bedroom with disheveled hair and a towel loosely draped over his hips. He ran a hand through his hair, said, "Good morning, Moo-" and noticed James and Lily sitting on the couch. He turned deep crimson, stammered out, "I-I left something in the bathroom" and disappeared behind the door.

Remus glanced at his friends. He was almost sure he would hear giggles or bad jokes, but Lily and James only exchanged concerned looks.

* * *

Wow. He did not expect that.

Last night, when he had woken up at 1 am in a cold sweat, Moony had been the first person that had come to his mind. He hadn't thought much – just run to his room. Remus hadn't objected (why would he?). At first, it had been kind of awkward, but then... what Moony had said... well, now he had been almost sure. Remus Lupin liked him back.

So when he had woken up again in the morning (after a particularly... well, interesting dream) he had imagined himself standing up and going to the kitchen, hugging Remus from behind and kissing him on the shoulder. He had dreamt of Remus smiling and turning around and...

But James had been there. And Lily. How could he forget they shared the apartment with two other people?

There was no way he could hug Remus in nothing more than a towel and not get suspicious looks from both of them.

So he had quickly gone back to the bathroom. Looking at his own reflection in the mirror, he ran his hands through his hair once again. Remus must have thought he was embarrassed or something. He sighed. Regrets. Who would have expected? If he could, he would tell the whole world about the way he felt. It's just... he still was an anxious teenager with trust issues. It wasn't _that_ easy.

Suddenly, a wicked plan started forming in his mind. He knew how to show his eternal love to the whole world. He knew how to assure Remus that he was loved and cared for and appreciated. In a way that nobody would feel surprised or uncomfortable – quite the opposite, people would shout for joy.

He smirked into the mirror. Maybe he would regret that, like everything else. But this time, it wasn't about him.

* * *

The day of the show. The day they had all dreaded for the last two months. Remus honestly didn't know what to feel when they were standing backstage, hearing the audience cheering them on and shouting.

Finally, they walked out on the stage. People started screaming. Remus's heart was beating like crazy. He took a deep breath. He knew that the moment they start playing, all fear would go away.

When the spotlights started shining, Sirius jumped to the front of the stage.

"How are we feeling tonight, London?" he shouted. Fangirls started squeaking and screaming.

Remus looked at the black-haired boy. He was completely in his element. Remus never understood the sheer joy Sirius felt from interacting with the audience. He himself was always too scared and insecure. And, well, he knew from the fanfictions he had read that the fans didn't have to hear him speaking to somehow know exactly what he was like.

He was always getting high on the sound alone. Their own music, Sirius's deep voice, James's solos on the guitar, and Lily's inimitable beat. It was perfect. The audience didn't even have to be there.

They played and played and Remus didn't want it to end, ever. He felt so fulfilled and at peace with himself and he knew that if it was possible, that would be the thing he would be doing for the rest of his life. The only thing he lacked at the moment was Sirius by his side.

That night, he had thought that Sirius might like him. But when he had come to the kitchen and been too embarrassed to even say anything in front of _James_ , the guy he called his _brother_ few hours earlier, there was no way he would like to date him publicly. Or date him at all.

"London, are you ready for our new hit?" The audience screamed. "Here you go, _Is Everybody Going Crazy,_ written by me and my wonderful Moony!" He turned around and shot Remus a reassuring smile. The taller boy rolled his eyes with a smirk.

James and Lily started the song with their shared beat. Remus mixed the sound and then... Sirius began singing.

Of course, Remus had heard Sirius's voice plenty. But hearing him now, on the big stage, singing Moony's own love confession to the whole world was just... different. Remus shivered. Wow.

He joined with his backup singing.

When the words _We've only got each other_ resonated, Sirius winked at him. He _winked_.

Remus played the sounds on his keyboard and cast a quick spell under his breath. No cheating – it was common in the wizard bands. And, well, necessary for the song to sound right.

And then, after the second verse and a repeated chorus, it happened. Something that would change their band's dynamics forever.

When the bridge began, Remus looked over to James. He was glancing between his own guitar and Lily – nothing else was probably even coming to him. Oh, to be young and in love...

But somewhere in the middle of James's solo, Sirius somehow rocked up next to Remus. And when the beat dropped...

_He felt Sirius's lips on his own._

At that moment everything stopped. The kiss was quick, and honestly, nothing like what Remus had imagined or fantasized about. If someone had told him that _that_ would be the first kiss they share, he would laugh in their face. He didn't know if it was real or authentic or if maybe Sirius did that only for the fans' sake. But honestly, that didn't matter. He felt... floaty. He didn't hear the beat, the song (were that shouts of joy coming from the audience?). It was as though they had been both shot into space and left the stage, London, _the Earth_ , far behind.

But before he registered what was happening, Sirius was back by the microphone.

For the rest of the show, Remus's thoughts were racing. He didn't know what the hell he was playing, mixing the sounds and adding extra effects automatically, without giving it much thought. He could only pray he rehearsed enough to not mess it up.

Well, there was no use in analyzing it. It must have been real – when he glanced at James and Lily, they were both grinning.

And if it really had happened, he will get a hundred text messages. And probably ten times more photos and posts on his Tumblr dashboard.

The show eventually ended. They all went off the stage.

"Wow!" James laughed. "That was... that was breath-taking."

Lily kissed him on the cheek. "You were brilliant as always." She turned to Sirius and Remus. "And what about you guys?" Her eyes sparkled.

Remus beamed. He waited with anticipation for Sirius to speak.

"Well... the show was amazing. Probably the best of them all." Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

"But what about...?" Lily tilted her head.

Sirius arched an eyebrow. "I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing extraordinary happened. It was just a spur of a moment thing. Adrenaline. I'm off to the toilet before the fans and journalists flood us." He smiled half-heartedly.

Remus felt his heart sinking. Lily looked at him worryingly. "Remus, do you want to ta-"

"No, Lily. I don't even know what to s-say." His voice broke in the middle of the sentence.

He didn't want to give interviews, he didn't want to see the fans, expecting them to hold hands or something. He ran out of the concert hall and along. He didn't know where to go. It was dark already and the street lights were reflecting in the road, wet after a summer evening rain.

Finally, he reached the park. He sat on an empty bench and the tears eventually started flowing.

What had he thought, really? And more importantly, what had _Sirius_ thought? What is he going to say on the interviews they are supposed to give during the next few days? He had no answers to any of these questions.

Suddenly, he saw a large, black dog, sitting by a lamppost nearby.

There was no chance that the dog was Padfoot – his Padfoot would never miss a chance to give interviews or hug some fans. And, well, there were many stray black dogs in London.

Looking at the dog gave him some not exactly pleasant memories though - therefore, he stood up and ran in the direction of their flat.

That night, Remus cried himself to sleep.

* * *

He didn't know what he had thought exactly. He had no idea how he could have even thought Moony liked him back. And certainly didn't know what the hell had struck him that he had decided to kiss him in the middle of their most important show. Another thing to regret.

He had thought it would be perfect. To declare his love while the whole world was watching, then be able to proudly tell the interviewers that Remus, _Remus bloody Lupin,_ was his boyfriend.

But none of that would happen. Because Moony hadn't even kissed him back.

He had told the rest of the band he had to go to the toilet. In fact, he had changed into the black dog and run to the nearest park.

Walking at night had always been somehow soothing. But he would feel much better if he had Remus by his side.

After wandering for a while, he saw a man crying on a bench. A very particular man. With soft, blonde curls and a scar running from his left eye to the corner of his mouth. Oh, how Sirius wanted to kiss that place.

But when Remus saw him, he ran away. _Right_. He probably didn't want to see him ever again.

He fucked up. As always. But this time, Moony wasn't there to comfort him.

* * *

The following week was full of interviews, meet&greets, and photoshoots. It was good, actually – to keep his mind occupied with something else.

(He hadn't replied to any of the messages his internet friends had sent him. He just couldn't.)

He was surprised by how smoothly Padfoot was avoiding questions about _the incident._

He was always brushing it off, laughing about adrenaline, and changing the topic.

For the next 7 days straight, Remus couldn't fall asleep.

After a week of constant attention from the fans, they finally got a night to themselves.

"Uh.. guys?" Remus was reading on the couch, when he heard James's voice. "We're going out. I mean... _we_ as in James and Lily. Hope you don't mind." He smiled sadly.

"No problem." Remus couldn't be mad at him. The fact things were awkward between him and Padfoot didn't mean the other couple couldn't enjoy their own company and go on dates. He wasn't the one to tell them they couldn't.

Suddenly, he felt the sofa sinking down under someone's weight. He looked up to see Lily's worried face.

"Talk to him, will you?"

Remus frowned. Then he sighed. Then he rubbed his face. "Right, I'll try."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "I don't believe you."

"I will. I promise. I... I have to." He looked down.

Lily hugged him tightly. "I'll keep my fingers crossed." She shot him a reassuring smile. After a few minutes, she and James left.

Remus sighed again and looked at his phone. Another text message from Marlene.

_Is everything okay?_

He didn't bother to reply. Just like he hadn't answered her previous message, the one from 4 days before:

_Saw a photo of you and Sirius kissing! I'm so happy for u two!_

It still hurt too much to talk about it. But he had to. Before he gained enough courage to go to the bathroom and ask Padfoot to talk to him, the very Sirius had magically turned up by the door.

"I'm going out," he said with a grin. "With one of the fangirls."

Remus couldn't stand it any longer.

"Please... don't."

"Why not?"

Remus stood up. "Seriously? After what you did at the show?"

Sirius cringed. "Moony, please, can we not-"

"No, we _have_ to talk about it."

"Right." Sirius sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"Why."

"I think that one's obvious," Sirius snorted.

"No, apparently, it's not."

"Remus, look, I'm sorry, okay?" Sirius didn't dare to look at his friend.

"That's not an explanation. Why did you kiss me?"

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU! I thought that it was the perfect plan, that it- that _we -_ would work out. But I know now that it won't and that you don't like me back and I regret what I've done, and I know you probably will never want to even be friends with me-"

"Sirius," Remus stopped him. "There's nothing to regret."

"What?"

"Why on earth would you think I don't like you too?"

"Because you didn't kiss me back."

Oh.

"And I'm not surprised or mad or even disappointed, really. I'm a fucking mess! Why would you like me? I fuck everything up and always do before thinking anything through, I come from an abusive, _evil_ family and you're so perfect with your booksmartness and jumpers and caramel eyes and-" His eyes widened suddenly. "Did you just- _you like me too_?"

Remus shut him up with a kiss.

This one was different than the first one. While the kiss at the concert had been quick and neither of them knew what was happening, this one was careful, more romantic, deeper.

"I think that's enough for an answer," Remus breathed into the kiss. "but I'm gonna say it anyway. I love you too."

Sirius pulled away. "I suspected that." He smirked. "That's why this wonderful plan of mine even took place."

"And I'm glad it did."

"But why... what about Marlene?"

Remus laughed, "You were worried about Marlene? It was nothing, really. I _really_ just helped her with transfiguration. I don't even fancy girls. My worries were far more justified."

 _"Your_ worries?"

"All those girls you've shagged. I would never think you're gay, and certainly not that you're after me. Well, I started having doubts after that one particularly bad full moon," he smiled.

"Well..." Sirius blushed. "They were all just to tear my attention away from you."

Remus's eyes widened. "Wow... I'm- I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything," Sirius smirked and dived in for another kiss.

* * *

Remus woke up to Sirius spooning him. But this time he didn't move. He felt Padfoot kissing his shoulder. "Mooony... stay here."

He had no intention of going away.

From that night on, he wouldn't freak out when Padfoot would come to his bedroom in the dead of night. And, well, Sirius wouldn't have to ask. None of them would have nightmares and if they would, the other would be there to comfort him.

They would write songs together. And wouldn't have to use metaphors.

He did not care what James would say – quite the opposite, he wanted him to see they're together, he wanted to go onto the roof and shout it out to the whole of London.

Sirius knew that now he wouldn't have to feel embarrassed emerging from Remus's bedroom. _No_ , he corrected himself. _Our bedroom._

(Especially after one of his dreams from _that_ night finally came true last evening.)

They wouldn't have to buy a twin bed anymore.

He would be able to walk up to Moony pan-frying an omelet and hug him from behind and whisper _I love you_ into his ear.

The Marauders consisted of two couples now. No more sexual tension. More double-dates.

Poor Peter.

Nothing was back to normal. But it was more than fine. Because this time, it was about both of them.


End file.
